Rock On! Lina & the Slayers Go on Tour
by RobinIV
Summary: Based on first season
1. The Story

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Slayers & I originally wrote this with my friend, Diana. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The songs are in the second chapter.

                        ROCK ON!

                  Lina and the Slayers 

                        Go on Tour!

                              By: Kelly M. Maraglia (with Diana)

      Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Sylphiel were walking through the forest. They went to an inn and order tons of food. As Lina and Gourry shoveled everything down, Amelia ate at a normal pace and Sylphiel ate a small salad, taking a bite every five minutes. Then a messenger came in and put up a notice. Amelia, in curiosity, went to see what it was.

AMELIA: Hey what's that? Maybe it's a WANTED poster of another bad guy we can       bag in the name of JUSTICE!

GOURRY: Just as long as it's not us this time.

AMELIA (reading) Contest for the best rock band. Prize - 10,000 gold pieces.

LINA: WHAT? 10,000 gold pieces!!! Where does it say that?! Where?! Where?!

      Lina pulled Amelia out of the way and read the notice for herself. 

LINA: This is great! 

GOURRY (with dumb look on his face): But Lina... we don't know any rock bands.

      Lina bonked Gourry on the head.

LINA: We will be the rock band you idiot! We will win those 10,000 gold pieces. 

AMELIA: But Miss Lina, we don't know how to play musical instruments. 

LINA: Then you'll have to learn quickly! The contest is in three weeks. All   we have to do is write a song and play it! That shouldn't be too hard!!

SYLPHIEL: Excuse me, Miss Lina. 

LINA: WHAT!

SYLPHIEL (cringing): This notice says that the band must have a minimum of five                 members, and there are only four of us. 

LINA: Where does it say that? (She reads it and collapses in defeat) Good-bye       10,000 gold pieces. 

      With miraculous timing, Zelgadiss Graywords entered the inn.

ZEL: Hello everyone, Lina, why are you crying?

LINA: Zelgadiss? (Realization dawns) ZEL! You'll help us, won't you?

ZEL: Pray tell, with what? We destroyed Rezo and his copy; why else could you       possibly need me?

LINA: Well, you see… there's this contest and we need five people. 

      Lina shoved the notice in his face for Zelgadiss to read.

ZEL: A rock band? Isn't that a little beyond your abilities, Lina? Although you     have considerable talent in the field of magic that has no bearing on your   musical talent or lack thereof. 

LINA: Oh whatever, will you join anyway?

ZEL: Very well. 

      Lina cheered at his answer and slapped him on the back. 

LINA (shaking her bruised hand): Ouch! Okay that's settled. Ouch. Okay where's      that chicken? Gourry, you ate it all!

GOURRY (between bites): Well… you … were… talking… and I thought… you                           were… done.

LINA: Well, I wasn't! Next time don't think! 

      Lina proceeded to stomp on Gourry's head. 

SYLPHIEL: Oh no, please don't. You might hurt darling Gourry.

LINA: That was the point!

      Out of the rubble of a mountain came the Patty cake Boys, also known Randy Seyruun and his wizard friend. 

RANDY: We must get our revenge on Lina Inverse, and my niece, Amelia. 

WIZARD: Yes, we must. 

RANDY: They will probably be in town. We must find them. First, we need some new allies. 

      They did the Patty Cake dance.

RANDY & WIZARD: Come forth our allies! 

      Two trolls and Dilgear appeared.

RANDY: We have summoned you from the cold pit of death. You will serve us and 

      help us to defeat Lina Inverse and Amelia Seyruun. Is that understood?

DILGEAR: Did you say Lina Inverse? That little witch! I will kill them to serve     you and avenge Lord Rezo! 

TROLLS: Growl!

********************************************************************************

LINA: It's a good thing I was able to persuade that music company to let us borrow their instruments and use the stage.

GOURRY: LINA, you threw a fireball at them!

LINA: So?

        On the small stage were five instruments: a drum set; a microphone; a lead guitar; a bass guitar and a tambourine. Amelia walked over to the drum set. She began banging on the drums. 

AMELIA: I like this, Miss Lina. This is fun. I'll play for the cause of justice!

SYLPHIEL (picks up the tambourine): This seems like a nice instrument. 

      Gourry picked up the lead guitar and strummed a few chords. 

GOURRY: Hey, I can use this to practice my chords. 

LINA: Gourry, you know how to play the guitar?

GOURRY: Of course, I do. When I was a kid, there was a guy in the village named           Sebastian who used to play the guitar. He taught me some stuff.

LINA: (sarcastically) Yeah, but can you play?

      Gourry played like a professional.

LINA (Chin drops and she falls over): Wow! Way to go Gourry!!!

      Zelgadiss picks up the bass guitar and begins to play. 

ZEL: It would appear that Gourry and I are the only ones with musical   experience. Well, shall we begin practicing, Gourry?

GOURRY: Yeah, let's jam! 

      The two begin playing and the others watch in awe. 

LINA: Great and I'll sing! 

      Everyone stopped at this pronouncement.

LINA: What's wrong?

GOURRY: Can you even sing, Lina? 

LINA: How hard can it be? 

      Lina began singing horribly off-key, causing everyone to block his or her ears. 

GOURRY: LINA, please stop that horrible noise!

LINA: What do you mean horrible noise?

      Lina asked, looking at Gourry dangerously.

GOURRY: Your singing is awful! 

      The other three closed their eyes as Lina proceeded to beat the crap out of him. Zel walked over to Lina and bonked her on the head. 

LINA: OUCH!

ZEL: Just calm down, Lina, I think it would be fair to give everyone a chance to sing, then we will judge who the best is.

LINA: Great idea, Zel. Okay Gourry, if I'm such a bad singer, why don't you show    me how it's done.    

GOURRY: Uh...okay. 

      Gourry went to the microphone and began to sing.

LINA: What kind of stupid lines are those? You're not even a real knight!

SYLPHIEL: I think they're wonderful.

LINA: Why am I not surprised? 

AMELIA: Oh, boy, Miss Lina, let me try next.

LINA: Okay Amelia, go for it.

      After song…

LINA: Uh huh, very nice. NEXT!

SYLPHIEL: Oh um…I guess that would be me. (Sings)

LINA: I think I'm going to be sick!

GOURRY: Wow, Sylphiel that was great! (Sylphiel blushes.)

LINA: Well, Zel, how about you?

ZEL: Huh?

AMELIA: Oh yes, Mr. Zelgadiss, we must hear you sing!

ZEL: But I've all ready made my contribution to the band. I'll play bass guitar. 

      Isn't that enough?

LINA: Oh, I get it. You're just shy because you can't sing at all!

ZEL: Think what you will.

GOURRY: Oh come on, Zel!

ZEL: Enough!

SYLPHIEL: Why not?

LINA: Oh, come on Zel. Don't be shy! I was only joking!

ZEL: (sigh) Very well. If you insist, (cue Zel's song)

      Everyone was on the brink of crying when he finished.

ZEL: I hope that meets with your satisfaction, your turn Lina. (Cue Lina's song)

GOURRY: I still don't think she can sing.

      Lina punched him in the face. 

LINA: Okay, well. (Rips up a piece of paper) Write your name down on this piece of paper. I'll put them in this pouch and Sylphiel will draw out who will be the singer. 

      They all wrote down names and put them in the pouch. Sylphiel drew one out.         

SYLPHIEL: It says 'ZEL.'

LINA: Well, what am I supposed to do?

ZEL: Sylphiel let me see that paper. I did not write this. Draw another one.

      Sylphiel drew another one.

SYLPHIEL: It says 'Zelgadiss.'

LINA: Two different papers couldn't say Zel!

      Sylphiel drew another one.

SYLPHIEL: It says 'Mr. Zelgadiss.'

AMELIA: Gee, I guess fate has picked you, Mr. Zelgadiss.

LINA: Well, what can I do?

ZEL: I had hoped not to be chosen. 

LINA: Well, if you don't want to sing, Zel. I'll do it!

ZEL: Lina, you can't sing! 

      Lina punched Zel on the arm, but it hurt her more than it did him.

ZEL: But I could teach you. The contest is in three weeks. If in one week,    you can sing decently. Then you will be the singer. Deal?

LINA: Deal! 

**Five minutes later**

ZEL: Me and my big mouth. Okay Lina, let's try this again. 

      Zelgadiss played a simple scale on the piano & Lina still sang horribly off-key.

AMELIA and GOURRY (blocking their ears): MAKE IT STOP!

SYLPHIEL: Oh no.

GOURRY: Well, at least she has the lungs for it!

      Zelgadiss cringed as he played the scale again. 

      Behind the stage, Dilgear watched the practice. He wanted to rip his ears off every time Lina sang. 

DILGEAR: So there is to be a rock contest. We'll beat them at their own game! 

      Then we'll be waiting for them backstage and I can kill Zelgadiss!

      He reported to the Patty cake Boys. They also decided to create a rock band. The Trolls played the drums and keyboard. Dilgear played lead guitar and the Patty cake Boys sang together. With that decided, they made battle plans. 

      Three weeks later. Lina has improved with her singing. Amelia and Sylphiel have mastered their instruments. The song they've chosen is the Slayers theme song.  Lina and the Slayers (the name of their band) were waiting in the wings for the cue to go on stage. 

LINA: All right guys, are you ready? 

AMELIA: Yeah, Miss Lina, I can't wait to sing for justice!

LINA: Yeah whatever, what about the rest of you?

ZEL: I was concerned at first, but those voice lessons really paid off. 

LINA: What can I say? When you're beautiful and talented, things just work out      right!

ANNOUNCER: And now folks, get ready for some medieval mayhem from Lina and             the Slayers!

AUDIENCE: YAY!

      The Slayers enter on stage.

LINA: Hey everybody, how you all doing tonight?

AUDIENCE: YAY!

LINA: I'm Lina Inverse. Where monsters rampage, I'm there to take them down. Where treasure glitters, I'm there to claim it. Where an enemy rises to    face me, VICTORY WILL BE MINE!

      Lina and the Slayers sang the Slayers theme song and the crowd went wild.

AUDIENCE: YAY! 

LINA: They love me! They really love me! 

ANNOUNCER: Well, judges now it's time to cast in your votes for the best… wait a    minute! This just in, there's one more band! Here they are, the Patty cake      Boys!

      The Slayers' mouths dropped 

LINA: Wait a minute! I thought they were dead! Amelia, they died right.

AMELIA: That's right. I mean, I think that's right. I guess that maybe they   survived.

LINA: How on earth could they have survived? 

AMELIA: I don't know, Miss Lina! You don't have to yell at me!

RANDY (on-stage): We are here to defeat the evil Lina Inverse and her allies!

      The audience (totally clueless). 

AUDIENCE: YAY!

RANDY: Hit it, Dilgear!

DILGEAR: 1 2 3 4

      They begin to ... to … well they cannot play, so I do not know what they were doing, but it had something to do with the instruments. 

RANDY (Singing): Lina Inverse we will kill, by the end of the night, her blood      will spill! 

REST OF BAND: Yeah.

LINA: Wow, Gourry and I thought YOUR lines were bad!

      Randy and his wizard started doing the Patty cake dance.

RANDY& WIZARD: Come forth our evil allies!

      Dead silence from the crowd. Crickets were heard chirping. 

RANDY: Huh, it didn't work! Where are the evil allies?

LINA: Whatever… fireball. 

      The Patty cake Boys ran off stage as Lina went on-stage.  

AUDIENCE: YAY!

LINA: Well, once again, Lina Inverse has saved the day!

AMELIA: Yeah, we triumphed in the name of justice!

ANNOUNCER: Wow, Lina Inverse, you were great! I just got word from the judges       and they said you were fabulous! You won the contest!

LINA (with starry eyes): I did. I mean....we did? 

ANNOUNCER: Yeah, it's too bad that the Patty cake Boys ran off with the prize       money!

LINA: WHAT? (Lina falls over.)

GOURRY: Well, Lina, at least we had fun in the band!

      Large groups of teenage girls surround Gourry, squealing for autographs. 

LINA: But I want all the money! 

      As Lina floods the stage with tears, the Great Hero, Valun shows up.

BALLOON: Oh, Miss La La, I want an autograph, too!

GOURRY: Oh no, not you again! 

      Gourry began running in circles around the stage with Valun and the girls chasing him. 

SYLPHIEL: Amelia, who is that person? (Referring to Valun)

AMELIA: You don't want to know.

ZEL: Well, as I always say. You can't expect these episodes to be serious for       too long!

      Zel looks at the mayhem that surrounds him and chuckles.

                        THE END


	2. The Songs

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Slayers or Green sleeves. Story concept idea by Kelly M. Maraglia (with Diana)

SLAYER SONGS

(Tune of Green sleeves)

**GOURRY'S SONG**

I am a knight with the sword of light

And I like to fight with all my might

I eat ten chicken dinners a night

To fill my endless appetite

**AMELIA'S SONG**

I fight for justice, I will prevail

As long as Miss Lina doesn't end up in jail

We'll beat the bad guys and save the day

When Miss Lina's fireball scares them away

**SYLPHIEL'S SONG**

My darling Gourry is so strong

And I have loved him for so long

Why Lina fights him, I don't know why

'Cuz he's such a lunkhead, lovable guy

**ZEL'S SONG**

I'll sing you a song of wondrous things

Of sorcery, magic, treasure, and kings

Shabranigdo we fought so hard

And Red Priest Rezo who left me scarred

Lone, Lone, I walk alone

Into a monster I have grown

Strength, Patience, for these I pray

To get me through each lonely day.

**LINA'S SONG**

I am a sorceress supreme

And I should be a beauty queen.

I'd readily go on a quest,

When kicking ass, I am the best!


End file.
